Name [CLASSIFIED] DOB [CLASSIFIED] SEX [CLASSIFIED] RACE [CLASSIFIED] LOCATION [CLASSIFIED] TRAINING [CLASSIFIED]

[REDACTED] is a psychology major and a creative-writing minor in his senior year at Lawrence University. He has been contracted by many secret societies such as the Illuminate for public relations, and has been abducted by aliens twice . . . the same ones, on accident. He likes ants. He may or may not be a potato. He is an avid video gamer and sometimes loses touch with reality. His deepest secret is [REDACTED].